The Kids Are Gone-Now What?

Finding Joy, Intimacy, and Purpose Together After Parenting

When the kids leave home, it can feel like the end of an era. For years, your routines, conversations, and even your marriage revolved around their needs. Suddenly, the house is quiet, and you may find yourself asking: “Who are we without them?”

Here’s the truth—this new season isn’t just about letting go. It’s also about rediscovering yourselves, reigniting your relationship, and stepping into a chapter of marriage that can be more exciting than ever. The kids are gone, yes—but your spark doesn’t have to be.

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Becoming empty nesters is a big transition. It’s normal to feel a mix of grief, relief, joy, and even fear. Acknowledge those feelings instead of pushing them aside. Talk openly with your partner about how each of you is experiencing the change—this honesty sets the stage for deeper connection. Each of you may be feeling completely different emotions and that is OK.

2. Reconnect With Your Partner

When the kids are gone, many couples realize that their relationship has quietly shifted into “roommate mode.” Conversations that once flowed easily may now feel limited to chores, bills, or updates about the kids. The good news? With time and intention, you can bring back the closeness you once had—and even discover new sides of each other. With the busy schedules behind you, you finally have time to focus on each other again. Use it intentionally! Plan weekly date nights, cook together, or take walks without distractions. Ask your spouse questions you haven’t in years—what excites them, what dreams they’ve put on hold, and what they’d love this next chapter to look like.

Here are a few ways to reconnect:

• Bring Back Date Nights
  Just because you’ve been married for years doesn’t mean date nights should end. Go out for dinner, try a new coffee shop, or even have a picnic in the living room. The key is to carve out space just for the two of you—no phones, no distractions, no “kid talk.”

• Get Curious Again
  When you were first dating, you asked each other questions all the time. Somewhere along the way, those conversations may have been replaced with logistics. Reignite curiosity by asking fun, meaningful questions: What’s something new you want to try? What’s a dream you still haven’t shared with me?

• Share Daily Rituals
  Connection doesn’t always have to be big and dramatic. Sometimes, it’s found in the little things—like making coffee together in the morning, taking evening walks, or ending the night with a short conversation instead of TV. These daily rituals build intimacy over time.

• Play Together
  Laughter is one of the fastest ways to reconnect. Play a game, try a cooking challenge, or dance in the kitchen. When you step out of routine and add playfulness, it creates memories and softens the hard edges of daily stress.

• Communicate Intentionally
  Make it a habit to check in with each other emotionally, not just logistically. Try asking: What was the best part of your day? What’s been on your mind lately? How can I support you right now? These simple questions invite vulnerability and strengthen your bond.

3. Rekindle Intimacy

For many couples, raising kids meant intimacy took a backseat. Between long workdays, soccer practices, and late-night homework, romance often got squeezed out by exhaustion. Now, with the kids grown, you have space to breathe—and space to bring the spark back into your marriage.

Here’s how to begin rekindling intimacy:

• Start With Affection, Not Pressure
  Intimacy isn’t just physical—it begins with everyday touch. Hold hands again, cuddle on the couch, hug longer than usual, or kiss in the kitchen for no reason. These small acts create closeness and they create an exciting energy between you.

• Talk About Desire
  Many couples avoid discussing intimacy, but open communication is key. Share what makes you feel loved, what excites you, or even what you’d like to try. This conversation can feel vulnerable—but it’s also incredibly freeing.

• Be Playful
  Flirt like you used to. Send your partner a sweet (or cheeky!) text during the day. Plan a surprise evening in. Laughter and playfulness bring energy back into your relationship and remind you that romance doesn’t have to be serious to be meaningful.

• Create Time for Romance
  Don’t leave intimacy to chance. Schedule it—not in a robotic way, but as an intentional choice. Light candles, put on music, or create an atmosphere that feels different from your daily routine. This shows your partner that your relationship is still a priority.

• Rediscover Each Other
  You’ve both grown and changed since the early days of your relationship. Approach intimacy with fresh curiosity. What feels good now? What do you enjoy together at this stage of life? Exploring with openness makes this season exciting instead of routine.

Rekindling intimacy isn’t about going back to how things were—it’s about discovering how much richer and deeper your love can be now. The kids may be gone, but the spark between you two doesn’t have to be. In fact, this is your chance to turn up the heat and be spontaneous. 🔥

4. Create New Shared Experiences

Once the kids move out, many couples realize how much of their shared life revolved around their children’s schedules. Without sports practices, school events, and endless to-do lists, it’s easy to feel a little lost—or even disconnected. That’s why building new experiences together is so important.

• Try Something New Together
  Take a cooking class, learn to dance, or try pickleball. Shared hobbies create fun memories and remind you what it feels like to be teammates outside of parenting.

• Travel (Even If It’s Local)
  You don’t need a passport to create adventure. Explore a nearby town, spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast, or take day trips. The point isn’t the distance—it’s the time spent side by side.

• Say “Yes” More Often
  If one of you suggests something new—whether it’s a hobby, restaurant, or activity—make it a habit to say “yes” more often. Curiosity and new experiences build connection.

• Make Ordinary Things Special
  Even grocery shopping or cooking dinner can turn into an experience if you approach it with fun and intention. Get creative, turn on music, or try a new recipe together.

When you create new experiences, you’re not just filling time—you’re building a fresh foundation for your marriage in this next season of life.

5. Redefine Your Identity as a Couple

For decades, you’ve worn the labels of “Mom” and “Dad.” And while those roles will always be a beautiful part of who you are, they don’t tell the whole story. This new season gives you the freedom to rediscover your individual identities and redefine who you are together.

• Dream Forward, Not Backward
  Instead of longing for the “good old days,” talk about what you want for the years ahead. What kind of lifestyle do you want to build? Where do you want to live, travel, or invest your energy?

• Celebrate Your Growth
  You’re not the same people you were when you first got married—and that’s a good thing. Share with each other what you admire most about how you’ve grown individually and as a couple.

• Balance Independence and Togetherness
  With more free time, you might rediscover passions of your own—painting, fitness, writing, volunteering. Supporting each other’s individual growth makes your relationship stronger when you come together.

• Write a New Chapter Together
  Maybe you want to start a business, mentor younger couples, or create traditions for future family gatherings. This stage of marriage is your chance to decide what “us” looks like now.

When you consciously redefine your identity as a couple, you move from asking “Who are we without the kids?” to confidently saying, “Here’s who we are now.”

6. Dream About the Future Together

When the kids are gone, it’s easy to feel like your best years are behind you. But the truth is, this next chapter can be one of the most exciting times of your marriage—if you take time to dream forward.

• Talk About Your “Someday” List
  You’ve probably said “someday” more times than you can count while raising kids: Someday we’ll travel. Someday we’ll try that hobby. Someday we’ll slow down and enjoy life. Guess what? Someday is here. Start writing that list together and circle the ones you want to make happen first.

• Set Couple Goals
  Just like individuals need goals, couples thrive when they’re working toward something shared. It could be as big as retiring early, moving to a dream location, or starting a new venture together. Or as simple as running a 5K, learning a language, or reading a book series side by side.

• Build a Vision Board Together
  Sometimes seeing your dreams helps them feel real. Collect pictures of places you want to visit, experiences you want to have, and ways you want to grow. Put it somewhere visible so you’re both reminded daily of what you’re working toward.

• Embrace Adventure and Flexibility
  Dreams don’t have to be rigid. They can evolve as you do. The point isn’t perfection—it’s the joy of creating a shared vision and moving into the future with intention and excitement.

Dreaming together keeps your relationship alive, forward-focused, and full of hope. It shifts your story from “the kids are gone” to “look at what we get to create now.”

Our Final Thoughts For You:

The empty nest doesn’t have to feel like an ending—it can be a beautiful beginning. With intention, playfulness, and a willingness to rediscover each other, this season can become one of the richest chapters of your marriage. The kids may be gone, but your love story is far from over. In fact, it’s just getting started—and it can be stronger, spicier, and more fulfilling than ever. We are absolutely loving this season of our life as empty nesters.