Year-End Couples Reflection: Questions Every Couple Should Ask Before the New Year

Here we are again — the calendar’s running out, the holidays have happened, and you’ve survived another year of bills, birthdays, family gatherings, and at least one argument about who definitely said they’d take the trash out. 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♀️

Before we launch into January pretending we suddenly love meal prepping and 6 a.m. workouts, let’s check in on something that actually changes your life:

👉 Your relationship.

Dr. John Gottman’s research shows that couples who pause to reflect—not just plan or argue—stay more emotionally aligned over time. Why?
Because reflection builds awareness, and awareness fuels growth.

So grab your partner, a cozy drink, and maybe a snack (because this is a no-hunger-zone). Let’s end the year with intention instead of autopilot.

Here are 10 conversations every couple should have before the clock strikes midnight.
A little deep, a little fun, a little uncomfortable… but that’s where the magic happens.

💬 1. What surprised you most about us this year?

Life doesn’t follow a script, and that’s part of what keeps relationships interesting.

What happened this year that you didn’t expect?

Maybe you handled a tough moment better than you imagined, or maybe you discovered a new strength in your partnership.

Celebrate what you did right. You deserve it.

😩 2. What felt the most draining, and how did we move through it?

Pretending everything was fine isn’t connection — honesty is.

What was heavy this year? Work? Family? Money? Stress… or maybe the two of you?

Reflect on how you both responded. Supported? Snapped? Checked out?

This isn’t for blame. It’s for clarity.

❤️ 3. When did you feel closest to me this year?

Spoiler: it might not be the “big” moments.

Often it’s the small, ordinary things — laughing on the couch, surviving stressful weeks, making dinner side by side.

Intimacy lives in the in-between spaces.

🥴 4. What’s one moment you wish we could redo?

Every couple has missteps.

Focus on your role and what you want to try differently next time, rather than what they “should’ve done.”

You're not reopening old wounds — you're upgrading the playbook.

🧠 5. What did this year teach you about yourself in our relationship?

Partnerships act like mirrors — they show us our strengths and our messy parts.

What did you notice about yourself? More patience? More boundaries? Hidden triggers? Unexpected growth?

Sharing this builds deeper emotional intimacy.

👀 6. When did you feel overlooked or misunderstood?

This question is tender but crucial.

Listen to understand, not to defend.

Sometimes “That makes sense” is more healing than “I didn’t mean it.”

Ask: What helps you feel seen when that happens?

🍀7. What do you want to feel more of next year?

Be specific. “More peace.” “More play.” “More affection.”

Then pick one tiny ritual that brings that energy into your daily life.

Intentionality beats wishful thinking every time.

💑8. How did we grow as a team this year?

You probably improved in ways you haven’t even acknowledged.

Think about what you overcame together.

Name the moments your partner showed up — even imperfectly.

Appreciation is relationship fertilizer.

🧹 9. What do we want to forget about this year?

Not people — patterns.

What habits, reactions, or moods no longer serve you?

Name it. Release it. Replace it with something healthier or kinder.

Even one tiny shift can reshape your dynamic.

🔥 10. What’s one thing we can start doing differently right now?

Forget complicated strategies.

Pick one easy change:

• 10-minute nightly check-in

• One sincere compliment a day

• A longer hug (20 seconds boosts oxytocin—science for the win)

• Phones down during dinner

Small acts create big impact.

💭 Why This Works

Because couples who reflect don’t drift.
They reconnect.
They repair faster.
They remember they’re on the same side.

Healthy relationships aren’t built on perfection — they’re built on awareness, curiosity, and consistent effort.

If you want to keep this momentum going into next year, our course Thrive Together walks couples through communication, connection, and creating the kind of relationship that actually feels good to live in.

Love doesn’t grow on autopilot.
It grows when you nurture it — with honesty, humor, and a little spice. 🔥